WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
