It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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