kristin has been a bad kristin
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
