the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
