So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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