DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
