Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
