I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
