I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
