You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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