i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
