i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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