He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
