i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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