How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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