Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
