I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
