I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
