i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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