Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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