sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
