You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
