I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
