Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
