So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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