As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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