with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
