How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I want a musical about memes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
