the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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