The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
