You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
