let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
