everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
