goodnight i made you a song goodbye
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
