So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
