I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
