He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
