at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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