Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
