hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
