Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She bit a glass in half.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
