i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I AM VODKA MAN
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
