I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
