oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My vagina is officially offended.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
