He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
