I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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