i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
