Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
