you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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