By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
