We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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