I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
