I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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